ARE YOU A

Narcissist! Or Not?

Tools For Helping Men

Transform Hurtful Accusations

Into Lasting Love & Trust

Why doesn’t she ever compliment how good I look after all the effort I put in?”

Meet Ryan … The “Mirror Man”

Ryan adjusted his tie in the hallway mirror, tilting his head to examine his reflection. The angle of the light was just right, catching the sharp lines of his jaw. He smiled faintly. Yeah, still got it. From the living room, he could hear Emma calling their daughter, Lily, to grab her backpack for school.

Ryan stepped into the living room, smoothing his shirt. “Hey, how do I look?” he asked casually, though the question carried weight.

Emma glanced up briefly, her hands busy helping Lily zip her coat. “Fine,” she said, distracted. “Lily, let’s go!”

“Fine?” Ryan echoed, his voice edging toward irritation. “That’s it? I just bought this tie yesterday, and you don’t even notice?”

Emma sighed, turning back to him for a second. “It’s nice, Ryan. You look good. Happy?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Ryan muttered, glancing down at the tie and straightening it anyway. “I put in the effort, you know. It’d be nice to hear it sometimes.”

Later that evening, Ryan was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone, glancing occasionally at his reflection in the black screen. Emma walked in, setting her bag down with a sigh as she kicked off her shoes.

“Long day?” Ryan asked without looking up.

“Exhausting,” Emma said, collapsing into the chair across from him. “The kids at school were wild today. I’m wiped.”

Ryan nodded absently, still staring at his phone. “You know, I ran into Alex at the gym earlier. He couldn’t stop talking about how I’ve leaned out since last summer. Said I’m looking ten years younger.”

Emma rolled her eyes, reaching for the remote. “That’s nice, Ryan.”

Ryan set his phone down and leaned forward. “Nice? That’s all you have to say? I’ve been busting my ass for months, and you don’t care at all.”

Emma frowned, flipping through channels. “I said it was nice. What do you want from me?”

“Some enthusiasm wouldn’t hurt,” Ryan shot back. “God, it’s like nothing I do matters to you anymore.”

Emma turned to him, her face a mix of exhaustion and annoyance. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the energy to throw you a parade every time someone compliments your biceps, Ryan.”

“That’s not what I’m asking for!” he snapped, his voice rising. “But I put in the effort. I care about how I look for you, Emma. Do you think I don’t notice how much you’ve let yourself go?”

The room fell silent. Emma stared at him, her mouth tightening, and then she stood abruptly, grabbing her bag.

“Where are you going now?” Ryan demanded, standing up.

“To bed,” Emma said flatly, not looking back. “Because I’m too tired to deal with this.”

Ryan stood there for a moment, the reflection of his own face catching his eye in the darkened TV screen. His jaw tightened as he muttered to himself, “Figures. Never appreciates anything I do.”

Why Does Your Wife Think You’re a Somatic Narcissist?

Is your wife or partner accusing you of being a somatic narcissist? You might feel proud of your appearance and the effort you put into looking your best, but she sees your behavior as vain, shallow, or overly focused on how you look. Somatic narcissism is not just about being concerned with looks; it’s about seeking constant validation for your appearance and feeling frustrated or slighted when that validation isn’t given. Beneath these behaviors lies a deeper issue: somatic insecurity.

You may believe that your appearance is a key part of your identity, and when your partner doesn’t compliment your looks or acknowledge your efforts, it can feel like a personal rejection. This need for validation can create an unhealthy dynamic where your self-worth becomes tied to how others, especially your partner, perceive your appearance. Over time, this focus on physical appearance can overshadow the emotional and intellectual aspects of your relationship.

From her perspective, your behavior can feel exhausting and emotionally disconnecting. She might feel pressured to constantly affirm your looks, leading to feelings of inadequacy or neglect in the relationship. When the emphasis on appearance becomes a central focus, it can leave her feeling like the deeper connection is being lost.

The truth is, true connection in a relationship isn’t built on looks. It’s built on emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and shared experiences. If you’re constantly seeking compliments or validation for your appearance, it may be pushing her away rather than bringing you closer together.

So how do you break this cycle? The first step is recognizing that somatic narcissism is driven by insecurity, not confidence. By letting go of the need for constant external validation and focusing on internal growth, emotional connection, and mutual respect, you can transform your relationship into one that’s grounded in something much deeper than appearance.

In the Narcissist, or Not? course, we’ll guide you through understanding the insecurities driving these behaviors and help you shift your focus from physical appearance to building genuine emotional intimacy. You’ll learn how to stop seeking validation and start fostering a meaningful connection with your partner.

Ready to stop relying on your appearance for validation and start building real connection?

Take our assessment to find out if your behaviors align with somatic narcissism. Learn how to rebuild emotional intimacy and trust with your partner, moving beyond superficial concerns and creating a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

Next Steps:

• Buy the Book – Understand the root causes of somatic insecurity and learn how to build deeper emotional connections.
• Get the Workbook – Practical exercises to help you stop seeking validation and start focusing on emotional intimacy.
• Take the Course – Work with Sven and Steve to break the cycle of somatic insecurity and build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Does Your Behavior Make You Look Like a Somatic Narcissist?

Is your wife or partner accusing you of being a somatic narcissist? Men who display somatic narcissism often focus excessively on their appearance, seeking constant validation for how they look. You may feel proud of your physical efforts, but she may see your behavior as shallow or vain. Take this assessment to find out how much your behaviors resemble somatic narcissism and learn what steps you can take to build a deeper emotional connection.

Take Our “Why Does My Wife Think I’m a Somatic Narcissist?” Test

Learn how your behaviors may look like somatic narcissism to your wife or partner.

Would you prefer to take our FREE, all-inclusive Test? Click Here

See how your behaviors may appear similar to eight forms of narcissism (including somatic) in this 90-question, comprehensive test.

Disclaimer:

We want to remind you that we are not mental health professionals; this is not a diagnosis, and the information below is not offered as medical or mental health guidance. The insights and assessments are intended to help you understand why your partner may be seeing some of your behaviors as narcissistic and identifying or accusing you of being a narcissist. These assessments are for personal reflection and growth—not for clinical evaluation.

Here’s What You Might Be Feeling, Saying, and Doing:

Feelings of a Somatically Insecure Man:

• Proud of their physical appearance
• Entitled to compliments and admiration
• Frustrated when not recognized for their looks
• Insecure when their appearance is not acknowledged
• Anxious about aging or changes in their looks
• Competitive with other men regarding appearance

What You Might Be Saying:

• “Don’t I look great? You didn’t even notice.”
• “I spend all this time working out, and you don’t care.”
• “You should be proud to be with someone who looks this good.”
• “Do you think I’m still attractive?”
• “Why don’t you compliment me like you used to?”
• “I need to look my best; it’s important.”

What You Might Be Doing:

• Focusing excessively on your appearance
• Fishing for compliments or recognition
• Becoming irritated when your partner doesn’t comment on your looks
• Spending an excessive amount of time grooming or working out
• Comparing your appearance to others constantly
• Criticizing your partner’s appearance or suggesting ways she can improve it

How Your Partner Might Be Feeling, Saying, and Responding:

Feelings of a Woman in a Relationship with a Somatically Insecure Man:

• Frustrated by his vanity
• Neglected emotionally
• Pressured to match his focus on appearance
• Insecure about her own appearance
• Resentful of the time and energy he spends on his looks
• Disconnected from the emotional aspects of the relationship

What She Might Be Saying:

• “You’re so vain.”
• “Why do you care so much about how you look?”
• “It’s like you only care about your appearance.”
• “I feel like I’m competing with your reflection.”
• “Can we focus on something other than looks?”
• “Do you even notice how I feel?”

What She Might Be Doing:

• Stopping compliments
• Withdrawing emotionally
• Feeling pressured to focus on her own appearance
• Avoiding discussions about appearance to prevent conflict
• Feeling reluctant to participate in shared activities due to insecurities
• Beginning to distance herself emotionally, seeking deeper connection elsewhere

Recognizing the real issue—somatic insecurity—allows both partners to move away from superficial concerns and towards building a relationship grounded in emotional depth and mutual respect. By letting go of the need for constant external validation, a man can begin to cultivate a stronger, more meaningful connection that goes beyond appearances.

Ready to Take the Next Step Toward Transformation?

Whether you’re looking to dive deeper, get hands-on tools, or begin a guided journey, we’ve got you covered. Explore our book, workbook, and course to start changing the way you show up in your relationship and break free from the cycle of grandiose insecurity.